Be prepared to address these issues in a direct, non-confrontational way or to deflect the conflict if the atmosphere becomes too heated. Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is how to deal with someone who avoids conflict making an effort to listen and meet you halfway — you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been. It’s important to temper your expectations about what others can and want to do. You might also like this article on having difficult conversations.

• They revved up a group chat, held virtual hangouts around the holidays, and committed to always celebrating birthdays in person — even if it meant jumping on a train or a plane.
• One study found that people with a high tendency to seek power were more likely to give advice than those with an opposite tendency.
• You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.
• In my book (click on title) “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, & Controlling People”, consequence is presented as seven different types of power you can utilize to affect positive change.

If your friend isn’t responding to you, try sending a text asking them to call you when they are ready to talk and then give them time and space to cool off. When they’re ready to talk, hear them out, apologize if needed, and try to make things right. When you avoid getting defensive, it gets easier to have conversations that are helpful, but many people still feel afraid of confrontation. Still, confronting an issue head-on is often necessary to find a resolution, although this doesn’t always mean you and your friend will be on the same page.

Causes of conflict in a relationship

Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. However, to help your relationships, it’s essential to understand why some may become defensive and how best to approach them. However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily.

• They give us the chance to practice patience, respect for others, detachment, and compassion.
• The point is to remind yourself that most chronically confrontational and hostile people suffer within, and mindfulness of their struggles can help you handle them with more detachment and equanimity.
• When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
• And that’s not all; conflict literally dampens our brain’s ability to feel love.
• Maybe you agree to skip sharing feedback on something that you feel a little insecure about—or you just avoid that topic altogether.
• Lamb reached out to each friend individually and gauged their willingness for a group conversation; they all agreed to have one.

Setting a boundary in this regard, if you feel you need one, is perfectly reasonable and something that can bring you increased emotional safety. “He literally said, ‘I felt like I could breathe and our relationship again, and I started to change my mind,'” Phillips recalls. His friend admitted he didn’t agree with a lot of the platforms his party supported, even though Phillips wasn’t trying to sell him on policy. Within days, the friend returned, saying Phillips’ understanding prompted him to rethink his own hardline views. Conflict deepens and escalates quickly, Phillips says, when we feel it threatening things we hold dearest — our sacred values — our social identity, or our people. When fanned or exploited, such sentiments can override our sense of morality, and morph into hate and dehumanization, which make atrocities possible.

Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict

It’s natural to get defensive when you feel attacked or criticized by a friend, but doing so often makes conversations less productive. When talking with a friend who is mad at you and has ignored you, try to notice when you feel defensive and avoid putting your guard up in ways that would end the conversation or make things worse between you and your friend. Instead, try to ask respectful questions that will help you understand their point of view. It’s often best to let your friend come to you on their terms, especially if you’ve said or done something to anger, hurt, or upset them. While you might be ready (and eager) to talk things out with them, they may not be.